Very different

The last couple weeks have been hard. A different kind of hard from the first time around, though. The stress is very different. Last time we were truly scared to death, she was going in for a huge surgery and we literally had no idea if she would be ok. This time I'm not worried about her dying at any minute and its very obvious that she's actually feeling pretty good! But this stress is more of a draining prolonged type stress. Hospitals are depressing as it is, add sick children to the mix and it is almost unbearable. I absolutely hate seeing all of these sick little ones around us and my stomach literally turns upside down when I see some that look so worn and fragile. It's not fair. These kids should be out playing and running. 

There's also a odd relationship you start to gain with the other parents. We can almost say everything with one glance. Today I was out in the garden area giving Brighton a little fresh air and looked up to see a mom and dad pushing their little boy who was probably 5 or 6 in a wheel chair. It was very obvious he was fighting cancer. I gave a quick smile to him the looked at his parents and it's as if we both said "I'm sorry, I get it." In one look. It happens with every parent I pass, I can tell they are saying it to me and I'm sure the feel the same way too. I'm part of the long term hospital crew now and I get it. I get the stress, the worry, the fear. I just get it. 

I've asked a few nurses how they can stand to work in a place that is so depressing. How they can stand to see such innocent children suffer and one told me that I have to learn to look at it different. Rather than seeing all the negative and all the sadness I had to see the positivity the children have, the light they shine, and allow myself to see it as an inspiring thing. That really hit me. I need to change me! These kids are suffering, they fighting things a lot of adults don't have to endure but they rarely complain or get down about it. They are happy and are making the best of the situation. I need to be like them. I am no where near that way of thinking yet, but I'll get there. I know one day I'll see the beauty in it and I know that I am growing every day. The problems or things I use to stress about seem so comical now, almost embarrassing. I have truly  been changed by thing experience and I know I will only continue to change. And I'm so thankful. My world has been re-centered and I am so thankful for that. Brighton has been the most life changing thing that has happened to me. I've become a much better mom, wife, and hopefully all around person because of her. I needed that little girl in my life right now and although this hard, scary and draining. It's been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love my little ones, they truly are my everything! 

I'm working on writing everything down that has happened so far is Brighton's life. Hopefully I'll be all caught up soon.