Today I Didn't Fail

#momlife can be crazy wild. I'm not even going to pretend i'm the busiest mom out there. I mean, I only have 2 kids! Yes, the are a little close in age, but i've seen worse. But today.... whoa.
every mom has those days where they crawl into bed and think "welp, that sucked" but today I crawl into bed and think "........." I'm blank, I'm fried.

Today started out great, the kids slept till 8! This never happens, my kids were blessed with Shaun's morning person personality and are ready to rip and 6:30am. Anyway, we got up I played with Brighton for a few then heard carter starting to chat in his room. I threw on my sweats the headed in to get him. He was in a great mood. jumping like a wild man in his crib and reaching out to give Brighton kisses and hugs over and over. These are the mornings I like, they usually mean its going to be an awesome day. THHHHHEEEENNN it happened.

Brighton went from giggly to hysterical in 1.2 seconds. I went and picked her up off the floor and realized her head was burning up. She has had a fever for a couple days. I went into grab the tylenol where i left it... gone. I searched and searched and searched. Gone. Now Carter was crying. I left him in his crib. No cool mom. I went and pulled him out with my free arm and headed down stairs to try and find the tylenol. Brighton was livid now. I went to put carter on the couch, no go he wanted to be held. I started to get aggravated with him. "Carter, your fine. Just sit here for a minute" I set him down and he starts to run giggling and squealing. ha, you bipolar child. I finally find the tylenol give it to Brighton and start to bounce a little to calm her down. After a few minutes I grab a bottle, turn on a cartoon for carter and feed Brighton. We're good, that type of stuff happens daily. I text Shaun who's on his way to the airport to tell him that Brighton still has a fever. We decided we better take her in. I call the doctor and set up an appointment for later that day. Because i called while I was holding Brighton she is now awake again and hysterical. I decide to go up to the room and rock her. I turn on another episode for Carter and head up to her room. 20 minutes pass and she's still screaming. finally after 45 minutes she falls asleep and i put her in her crib. I walk down stairs look at the clock and realize i still haven't got Carter breakfast. He's now following me around the kitchen whining telling me he wants food. I throw a muffin and some milk on his tray to hold him over while i make some pancakes. Just as I start I  hear Brighton crying again.  I throw Carter another muffin and head up to check on her. She had a blow out. SIIICCCKK. I clean her up go back down stair and realize i hadn't changed Carters diaper yet today. He now was covered in pee from overflow. I change his diaper turn on another show, refill the bottle and head up stairs to comfort Brighton again.

The day goes on and more of the same pattern happens, Brighton is miserable...Carter gets neglected
Finally Brighton is under control and sleeping so i head down to play with carter. We run around out side and roll around in the dying grass. He was covered and thought it was so funny. I then get a call that i needed to take Brighton in right away. She has a UTI (we spent some time in the hospital earlier to get her looked at) and  she needed to be treated right away or it could spread to her heart. So I go get dressed, get the kids dressed and we head into see our pediatrician. He's an awesome man who takes SUCH good care of my kiddos. He truly cares and its so so nice. He come is tells me about the infection the says "we also are going to need to have more tests" uhh ok... why? He then draws me the anatomy and tells me about how Brighton's may be a little messed up. Because she has CHD it is extremely common for them to have other conditions as well. So far things have checked out good but whenever a problem arises we have to look at it in every which way to make sure its not more serious. Thats the thing with my kiddo, normally they give little girls a shot and send them on their way, the UTI clears up and no one thinks a thing about it. Brighton is different, we have to consider if she needs to be admitted so we can make sure the UTI doesn't spread to the heart. Today the "team" (cardiologist, surgeon, infection disease, and her pediatrician) decided she could be monitored from home. Thank goodness. But now i'm stressed. We ended up being at the pediatrician office for 3 hours talking about all that was going on and giving her the antibiotic, checking her blood pressure and watching her carefully for a bad reaction. Were then sent on our way and I head strait to Walmart to get her prescription . while there i make a couple calls while we wait for the prescription, 7:30 rolls around and I finally have her prescription. We head out to the truck  and I load up the kids, Brighton is screaming so I make her a bottle and prop it up on a blanket while I get Carter in his seat. Carter sees the bottle and started bawling. I again, get frustrated put him in his seat and he becomes hysterical. I ask whats wrong and he tell me he's hungry. My heart sinks. Its 7:45 (past bedtime) and Carter hasn't had lunch or dinner! And all he had for breakfast was 2 chocolate muffins. I'm so sorry buddy. I load them up and run to arby's to get him some chicken fingers and me some mozzarella sticks.

We rush home and I run in to set up Carters dinner before I get them both out of their seats. I open the bag and... they forgot the chicken fingers. I literally have no food and my little boy is starving. I throw some cheerios in a bowl notice his chair is filthy still from the muffins, I sit the bowl on the floor and run out to get him. After setting him on the floor with his lame dinner I run back out to get Brighton, who of course is crying. I walk back in to see my perfect little boy sitting on the floor eating his cereal in a house that is a disaster. My heat breaks as I think about how bad I failed him today. He got 5 minutes of attention and not much else. He sitting on the the kitchen floor alone, trying his hardest to fish cheerios out of a bowl. I sit down next to him and help him catch his food until he stopped asking for more. I then went up and rocked Brighton and left Carter to finish off what ever he had left. After Brighton was asleep I grabbed Carter and changed him for bed. While sitting on the floor I tell him how sorry I am. Today was a bad day. I'm so sorry you had to take care of yourself all day and your only one! I'm sorry we didn't play more and didn't hold you like you wanted. I'm sorry I failed you, tomorrow will be better. We stand up and I hold him and ask if he wants to say prayers. He folds his arms and I begin to say our nightly prayer. In the middle he wraps his arms around my neck and kisses me on the cheek then smiles. My broken heart and down spirit melt and I begin to tear up. He doesn't think I failed, he knows I did my best. He doesn't care that the house is a disaster and that he had cheerios for dinner. He got 5 minutes of my time running and playing today and it was great. He also got 3 hours of non stop attention from nurses who let him do what ever he wanted while I talked to the doctors about Brighton. He got to run around, pretend like he was an airplane and put on a show for all that watched. He also got to eat his favorite food for breakfast and dinner. He doesn't see today as a failure at all.  I didn't fail him.

Mom's we have some really rough days. Some days we go to bed beat up and wore out. Some days we feel like we completely failed. But we didn't. We did good. We probably even did really good. So our house is dirty, so our kids ate crap. Our kids are happy and healthy. And most importantly they are loved. It may have not been my best day today but I did pretty good.

Point is, stop thinking about all the things your "failing" at each day. C
hances are you doing freaking awesome. Chances are your nailing this whole mom gig.

Modern Day Miracles

First off, let me say that I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS)  and one of the blessings of being an LDS member is to have access to the power of the priesthood. You don't have to be a member to partake of the blessing but, you do have to be a worthy man in order to perform priesthood blessings. You can read in James 5:14-15 "(14) Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elder of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the lord. (15) And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins they shall be forgiven him."

There are multiple areas of the priesthood but the one that is extremely close to my heart is the power to heal.

Growing up I didn't always believe in God, or in the LDS teachings. In fact, for a long time I did everything I could to not take any part in it. But my dad was a great example to me, and one of the ways he was an example was to be willing and worthy to provide priesthood blessings.  I dont remember much about the day but I do remember that my grandpa had received some scary news about his health. He use to be a smoker and it looked like it had caught up to him. He isn't a member of the LDS church butI  remember him coming to my house and my dad taking him into the office asking if he believed in the power of god, and that he could be healed, and if so would be be willing to receive a priesthood blessing.  He must have said yes because a family friend came by and I watched him and my dad offer a blessing by placing their hand on his head. A few days later my dad sat us down to tell us that the mass the doctors had previously found had disappeared since the week prior. I was young and tried to play it off as a "no big deal" situation but I thought about it often, and obviously still do.

The next experience I had with the priesthood that made an impact on my life was when I had to have my tonsils out. It wasn't a big deal, but I was still nervous. My older brother had just returned from his 2 year mission and came home from college to be there so he and my dad could give me a blessing before the surgery. I remember we were at the hospital my dad came to me and said "were going to give you a blessing". That was it, it wasn't do you want a blessing it was, you will have a blessing.  I remember thinking about how that showed how much my dad trusted in its healing power. It was also something that brought me closer to my older brother. It was simple, it was minor, but it meant the world to my simple unbelieving heart.

Fast forward 10 years and a lot of growing up, I decided that I personally do believe in the gospel and that I DO believe in priesthood power. And the last 4 months, my love for the Priesthood has grown more than I could have ever imagined.

Brighton came along and then came the diagnosis. With things looking so grim we were really worried about what the outcome would be. Shaun went to visit a friend and he mentioned that we needed to give Brighton a name and a blessing, something that is typically done months after the child is born. I hated that we were doing that as an "in case she doesn't make it", but I knew he was right. Brighton needed it. The exact same day I was sitting down with my younger brother at the hospital explaining everything and he stopped me mid sentence and said "Syd, you need to have Shaun give her a blessing. I know she will be ok if you do" I almost cried. My little brother was showing me up, and thinking of things I hadn't. Why hadn't I thought to ask for Brighton to be blessed? Since she was in the ICU they have very strict rules to how many people can be at her bedside at a time. Luckily we had a great nurse who did everything she could to make it happen for us. I walked in told her what we wanted to do and she immediately jumped into action going to the linen room to find the best blankets she could. I told her "oh its ok, you dont need to do that" and her response was, "I want her to have the best we have for her blessing, she needs to look perfect" Again... I cried. Thank you. Our bishop came down to the hospital and we took the crew in to the ICU. There was 10 of us (The ICU only allows 2 at a time)! We all crowded around her bed and Shaun and some of our family members laid their hands on their head and blessed her with the best blessing I have ever heard. "by the power of the priesthood.... we give a name and a blessing... the name which she will be called is Brighton Kay Allred". He then went on to bless her to heal well, that the surgeons hands would be steady. That she would have no residual issues after the surgery. After we all stood around her crying and talking about how beautiful she was. We all were so scared but we could feel the spirit in that curtained off area. Our heavenly father had her, he was going to take care of her. We asked for a specific blessing and thats all we had to do. He wants to give us the miracles, but we have to ask.

The next day Brighton came out from the surgery with out a hitch. Everything went perfect. And she was able to be closed 24 hours later, which is EXTREMELY rare. She then was discharged a week later on 1 medication!  That 1 medications was then weened off 2 weeks later. It truly is a miracle, and I KNOW its because of that priesthood blessing.

A few weeks later Brighton came down with a fever. We thought we might loose her. Things in the ER got really scary. The doctors were really worried. I asked Shaun to give her another blessing. We asked a member of our ward to come down to the hospital to do so with Shaun and simply put they blessed her to be healed. The next day her oxygen was normal and her heat rate was just fine. We found out about the infection but her heart was totally fine. Something we weren't so sure about the night before. The doctors were able to pinpoint the infection quickly and she become a baby we hadn't ever seen before. She was happy, bright eyed, and perfect.

3 weeks later, Brighton was sick again. And they couldn't find the cause. EVERYTHING pointed to bacterial meningitis. We were devastated. She was getting worse and Shaun was out of town, so I asked 2 members of our ward (church congregation" to come down to give Brighton, yet again another healing blessing. They came down right away. The next morning we decided to do a lumbar puncture, and waited patiently for the results. While waiting I noticed Brighton was acting hungry, I gave her a bottle and for the first time in 3 days, she ate! She ate ALOT! I then took her temp and it was gone. I figured that the nurse must have gave her Tylenol that I didn't notice but, she hadn't! I told the doctors and they came in to take a look. Obviously they were extremely pleased, and the one doctor said. "I dont think i'm going to even look at the results, she is obviously just fine!" Of course they looked and like he thought, she was fine!

I know that modern day miracles are true. My little girl is a living, breathing miracle. I am so so thankful to Shaun and the other family members and ward members who hold their priesthood at a high priority and are worthy to give those blessing to Brighton. I know without a doubt that things wouldn't have gone near as smoothly or perfect with out the priesthood power. My baby girl is ahead of the game in her physical development and her heart is so good she is only being seen every 4 months! To have this perfect of an outcome with her complicated situation is truly the most amazing blessing and miracle I could have ever asked for.

I believe with everything I have that the healing power of the priesthood is true. Just like Jesus healed the blind, and fed the multitude, the priesthood has been restored on this earth. Because of this, our baby girl is here, healthy, and beating every odd. She is my miracle.