every mom has those days where they crawl into bed and think "welp, that sucked" but today I crawl into bed and think "........." I'm blank, I'm fried.
Today started out great, the kids slept till 8! This never happens, my kids were blessed with Shaun's morning person personality and are ready to rip and 6:30am. Anyway, we got up I played with Brighton for a few then heard carter starting to chat in his room. I threw on my sweats the headed in to get him. He was in a great mood. jumping like a wild man in his crib and reaching out to give Brighton kisses and hugs over and over. These are the mornings I like, they usually mean its going to be an awesome day. THHHHHEEEENNN it happened.
Brighton went from giggly to hysterical in 1.2 seconds. I went and picked her up off the floor and realized her head was burning up. She has had a fever for a couple days. I went into grab the tylenol where i left it... gone. I searched and searched and searched. Gone. Now Carter was crying. I left him in his crib. No cool mom. I went and pulled him out with my free arm and headed down stairs to try and find the tylenol. Brighton was livid now. I went to put carter on the couch, no go he wanted to be held. I started to get aggravated with him. "Carter, your fine. Just sit here for a minute" I set him down and he starts to run giggling and squealing. ha, you bipolar child. I finally find the tylenol give it to Brighton and start to bounce a little to calm her down. After a few minutes I grab a bottle, turn on a cartoon for carter and feed Brighton. We're good, that type of stuff happens daily. I text Shaun who's on his way to the airport to tell him that Brighton still has a fever. We decided we better take her in. I call the doctor and set up an appointment for later that day. Because i called while I was holding Brighton she is now awake again and hysterical. I decide to go up to the room and rock her. I turn on another episode for Carter and head up to her room. 20 minutes pass and she's still screaming. finally after 45 minutes she falls asleep and i put her in her crib. I walk down stairs look at the clock and realize i still haven't got Carter breakfast. He's now following me around the kitchen whining telling me he wants food. I throw a muffin and some milk on his tray to hold him over while i make some pancakes. Just as I start I hear Brighton crying again. I throw Carter another muffin and head up to check on her. She had a blow out. SIIICCCKK. I clean her up go back down stair and realize i hadn't changed Carters diaper yet today. He now was covered in pee from overflow. I change his diaper turn on another show, refill the bottle and head up stairs to comfort Brighton again.
The day goes on and more of the same pattern happens, Brighton is miserable...Carter gets neglected
Finally Brighton is under control and sleeping so i head down to play with carter. We run around out side and roll around in the dying grass. He was covered and thought it was so funny. I then get a call that i needed to take Brighton in right away. She has a UTI (we spent some time in the hospital earlier to get her looked at) and she needed to be treated right away or it could spread to her heart. So I go get dressed, get the kids dressed and we head into see our pediatrician. He's an awesome man who takes SUCH good care of my kiddos. He truly cares and its so so nice. He come is tells me about the infection the says "we also are going to need to have more tests" uhh ok... why? He then draws me the anatomy and tells me about how Brighton's may be a little messed up. Because she has CHD it is extremely common for them to have other conditions as well. So far things have checked out good but whenever a problem arises we have to look at it in every which way to make sure its not more serious. Thats the thing with my kiddo, normally they give little girls a shot and send them on their way, the UTI clears up and no one thinks a thing about it. Brighton is different, we have to consider if she needs to be admitted so we can make sure the UTI doesn't spread to the heart. Today the "team" (cardiologist, surgeon, infection disease, and her pediatrician) decided she could be monitored from home. Thank goodness. But now i'm stressed. We ended up being at the pediatrician office for 3 hours talking about all that was going on and giving her the antibiotic, checking her blood pressure and watching her carefully for a bad reaction. Were then sent on our way and I head strait to Walmart to get her prescription . while there i make a couple calls while we wait for the prescription, 7:30 rolls around and I finally have her prescription. We head out to the truck and I load up the kids, Brighton is screaming so I make her a bottle and prop it up on a blanket while I get Carter in his seat. Carter sees the bottle and started bawling. I again, get frustrated put him in his seat and he becomes hysterical. I ask whats wrong and he tell me he's hungry. My heart sinks. Its 7:45 (past bedtime) and Carter hasn't had lunch or dinner! And all he had for breakfast was 2 chocolate muffins. I'm so sorry buddy. I load them up and run to arby's to get him some chicken fingers and me some mozzarella sticks.
We rush home and I run in to set up Carters dinner before I get them both out of their seats. I open the bag and... they forgot the chicken fingers. I literally have no food and my little boy is starving. I throw some cheerios in a bowl notice his chair is filthy still from the muffins, I sit the bowl on the floor and run out to get him. After setting him on the floor with his lame dinner I run back out to get Brighton, who of course is crying. I walk back in to see my perfect little boy sitting on the floor eating his cereal in a house that is a disaster. My heat breaks as I think about how bad I failed him today. He got 5 minutes of attention and not much else. He sitting on the the kitchen floor alone, trying his hardest to fish cheerios out of a bowl. I sit down next to him and help him catch his food until he stopped asking for more. I then went up and rocked Brighton and left Carter to finish off what ever he had left. After Brighton was asleep I grabbed Carter and changed him for bed. While sitting on the floor I tell him how sorry I am. Today was a bad day. I'm so sorry you had to take care of yourself all day and your only one! I'm sorry we didn't play more and didn't hold you like you wanted. I'm sorry I failed you, tomorrow will be better. We stand up and I hold him and ask if he wants to say prayers. He folds his arms and I begin to say our nightly prayer. In the middle he wraps his arms around my neck and kisses me on the cheek then smiles. My broken heart and down spirit melt and I begin to tear up. He doesn't think I failed, he knows I did my best. He doesn't care that the house is a disaster and that he had cheerios for dinner. He got 5 minutes of my time running and playing today and it was great. He also got 3 hours of non stop attention from nurses who let him do what ever he wanted while I talked to the doctors about Brighton. He got to run around, pretend like he was an airplane and put on a show for all that watched. He also got to eat his favorite food for breakfast and dinner. He doesn't see today as a failure at all. I didn't fail him.Mom's we have some really rough days. Some days we go to bed beat up and wore out. Some days we feel like we completely failed. But we didn't. We did good. We probably even did really good. So our house is dirty, so our kids ate crap. Our kids are happy and healthy. And most importantly they are loved. It may have not been my best day today but I did pretty good.
Point is, stop thinking about all the things your "failing" at each day. C
hances are you doing freaking awesome. Chances are your nailing this whole mom gig.
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